Guitarist Buys Pedal for ‘Investment Purposes,’ Never Uses It

BROOKLYN, NY – In a move that has baffled both financial advisors and fellow musicians, local guitarist Jake Reynolds has purchased a $6000 Klon Centaur pedal, citing “investment purposes” as the primary motivation behind the acquisition.

Reynolds, who has never actually plugged in the pedal, insists that the Klon is a “sound financial decision” rather than a musical one. “It’s like buying stocks, but cooler,” he explained, carefully placing the pedal in a glass display case next to his untouched collection of vintage vinyl.

Despite having no intention of using the pedal, Reynolds has become an expert in its specifications. “The Klon is legendary for its mythical tone,” he noted, while admitting he has no idea what it actually sounds like. “It’s all about the potential.”

Friends and bandmates have expressed concern over Reynolds’ growing collection of “investment pedals,” which now outnumbers his actual guitar repertoire. “Jake’s got more pedals than songs,” said drummer Mike “The Beat” Thompson. “But hey, at least he’s prepared for a market crash.”

In a surprising twist, Reynolds has started offering investment seminars to fellow musicians, teaching them how to “diversify their pedal portfolios” and “maximize tonal assets.” The seminars have gained a cult following, with attendees eager to learn the secrets of pedal-based wealth.

Meanwhile, local music shops have reported a surge in pedal purchases, as musicians scramble to emulate Reynolds’ unconventional strategy. “We’ve had people buying pedals just to keep them in the box,” said shop owner Dwight Johnson. “It’s like the Beanie Baby craze, but with more distortion.”

As Reynolds continues to expand his collection, he remains optimistic about the future. “One day, these pedals will be worth a fortune,” he declared, while eyeing a limited-edition hand painted Fuzz Factory pedal. “And maybe, just maybe, I’ll even plug one in.”

For now, Reynolds is content to watch his pedal collection grow, confident that his “investment” will pay off—both financially and tonally—someday.