Guitarist Buys $400 Compressor To Sound Exactly The Same

NASHVILLE, TN – Local praise and worship guitarist Caleb Johnson proudly announced today that he has purchased an Origin Effects Cali76 compressor for the low, low price of $400, confirming that his tone remains completely unchanged.

“Man, the clarity, the sustain—it’s just unreal,” said Johnson, strumming an open G chord that sounded identical to his tone before the purchase. “It’s really subtle, but once you hear it, you can’t un-hear it.”

Johnson, who plays electric guitar in the worship band at Redeemer Community Church, has spent the last four years chasing the perfect clean tone. After watching 47 YouTube demo videos featuring British guys playing telecasters through expensive amps, he concluded that the Cali76 was the missing piece in his tone puzzle. However, multiple bandmates confirmed that they are unable to hear any difference.

“Oh yeah, he keeps telling me how it ‘evens out his dynamics’ and ‘fattens the low end,’ but honestly, I think he just likes watching the LED lights change when he picks,” said keyboardist Dave Manning. “It’s nice that he’s happy, though.”

Despite zero noticeable improvement in his sound, Johnson insists the pedal is essential. “It just gives me that studio-quality compression that really brings out the feel in my playing,” he said, completely unaware that the church’s front-of-house engineer had been running his signal through heavy compression for years. “It’s not about volume—it’s about touch.”

Sound engineer Matt Rodgers remains unimpressed. “He could’ve bought a $50 pedal and gotten the same results,” said Rodgers, adjusting the compressor settings on the soundboard for the fifth time that morning. “Honestly, I just mute him during the quiet parts anyway.”

At press time, Johnson was seen browsing Reverb.com for an Analogman King of Tone, reportedly to “push his amp just a little bit,” despite running a modeler direct into the PA.